I’m A Dalek!

Joanne nearly had a heart attack in English the other day. She’d been convinced, you see, that our Psychology exam was almost two weeks away, when, in fact, it was only three days away. You can imagine her reaction when I broke the news to her. Sheer panic.

Eventually, she calmed down enough for us to find a quiet room to revise in. We found an empty classroom, and proceeded to ask each other questions about Bowlby’s Maternal Deprivation Hypothesis. this was going reasonably well, all things considered, until we were rudely interrupted by Ciaran, Matthew and Joel Amos Obadiah. “Trying to revise, are you?” was their loud and annoying battle cry. Joanne and I looked at each other and sighed. There’s no such thing as a quiet life.

We tried to continue with our revision, but it was impossible. Matthew had plugged his iPod into the speakers and was playing Bob Marley music at unprecedented volumes. Ciaran was talking about the last movie he’d seen at the cinema. Joanne was screaming about the critical period of attachment, and Joel was…well, he seemed to be drawing a picture of Joanne, to be perfectly honest. He kept looking up at her, then looking back down at his page.

Eventually, Joanne threw a miniature tantrum. “Right!”, she said. “Right! If you boys don’t leave now, I’m going to go and get Mrs Cooke to throw you out. You’re so inconsiderate! I’m never going to pass if I can’t…can’t…”

Joel passed the paper he’d been doodling on across the table to her.

“Hahaha!!” Laughed Joanne. “Hahaha! Ha ha ha! Oh my goodness! Ha ha ha ha ha! I’m a Dalek!”

Confused, I glanced at the paper to find out what exactly she was talking about. And indeed, she was a Dalek. Joel Amos Obadiah had drawn a photofit impression of Joanne as a Dalek. The likeness was incredible.

Just a typical day at Slemish College, folks. Come and join the madness.

Revision Should Be Outlawed

I have a theory that revision is bad for the brain.  This theory has arisen out of years of trying, and failing, to revise.  Every time the thought, “I need to revise” has crossed my mind, it has quickly been snuffed out by a thousand more enticing thoughts, such as, “I need to finish the book I’ve been reading”, or, “I need to learn ‘Carry On, Wayward Son’ on guitar”, or, indeed, “I need to write a new blog entry”.  On the rare occasions when I have actually mustered up the willpower to overcome these thoughts, and sat down to do some revision, my brain has locked up and refused to concentrate on what is written on the page in front of it.

I think this is a defense mechanism.  It’s widely known that the brain is more than capable of protecting itself.  For instance, often, when someone’s trying to tell me something very serious, I am overcome by the desire to laugh.  I can’t help it – it just happens.  I know several people who are the same (although, I’m fairly certain that nobody laughs quite as much as I do).  This, I think, is the brain trying to distract you from bad news, so you can remain in your innocent state of happiness for a few moments longer.  I also reckon that some people have faulty brain mechanism thingys.  These are the somber, unsmiling people we all know. Such individuals rarely laugh.  Just as a side note, has anybody else noticed that people who rarely smile are also frequently sick?  Could this be because laughing also boosts the immune system? Or maybe they just don’t feel like smiling, because they’re sick all the time.  Anyway.

So, my theory is that the power that prevents us from revising is similar to the power that prevents us from crying.  Think about it; when you revise, you become frustrated, you get headaches, and you get tired out very quickly.  The brain must hate it.  Sure, you stand to gain good grades at the end of it all, but what are grades to a bodily function?

What is the solution?  It can’t be progress based solely on coursework, because coursework provokes the same reaction as revision.  My idea is that we get our marks based on how the teacher feels we’ve progressed.  In an ideal world, this is how all grades would be awarded.  Think about it; we wouldn’t have to do homework all year, just as long as we were really good at sucking up to teachers.  There would be no pressure, and teachers would never go hungry because there would be an abundance of shiny, red apples on their desks every morning, given by keen (but not necessarily hardworking students).  Oh, if only!

There we have it.  An antidote to exam stress, revision and homework.  If only I were Queen..